Whether in the vast and dynamic world of business or in the intimate and complex world of the family, effective communication is the cornerstone of successful and long lasting relationships. Just as in personal relationships, misunderstandings, conflicts, and communication breakdowns in professional partnerships are inevitable. The true test of the strength of romantic and business relationships alike is the ability to work through and learn from conflict. Jenny Santi, a psychotherapist and executive coach at Union Square Practice, draws on her extensive business background to emphasize the parallels between relationships and business partnerships, particularly in the context of marriages: “A business partnership mirrors the dynamics of a marriage. Shared goals, open communication, and unwavering trust are the cornerstones; and division of responsibilities, financial discussions, and legal agreements define the path to lasting success.”
Developed in the 1980s by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt (themselves a married couple) Imago Relationship Therapy is a formof couples counseling that aims to help partners work through misunderstandings, reduce conflict, and rediscover ways to communicate and find common ground. Although the method has traditionally been used in the context of romantic relationships, it has increasingly found applications in the business realm. Derived from the Latin word for “image,” Imago in this context refers to the unconscious image of love developed in childhood and carried within us into adulthood. But this unconscious image can be difficult to uncover within ourselves, let alone in others.
“How did you learn to love,” asks Dr. Jonathan Fader, Founder and Director of Psychology at Union Square Practice. “Most people can’t answer [that question.] The real answer is that no one has taught us. We learn by observation.” Thus, Imago Therapy emphasizes the connection between childhood experiences and current relationship dynamics, encouraging partners to explore and understand each other’s emotional needs and communication styles. As Dr. Fader states, “I can one thousand percent guarantee that your partner has learned to communicate in a different way than you [did.]” Imago therapy is about closing the communication gap and coming to a common understanding.
One fundamental aspect of Imago Therapy is the creation of a safe and supportive environment for open communication. Dr. Fader refers to this as psychological safety– the feeling that “I can really be myself and I can say my ideas without criticism of who I am.” This sense of security is foundational to honest and constructive dialogue.
More concretely, Imago Therapy provides ground rules and creates a framework for communicating through conflict. Partners are encouraged to listen attentively, reflect on what the other person is saying, and mirror their thoughts and feelings. Dr. Fader notes certain sentence prompts that can serve as a springboard for more effective communication. For example, rather than starting a sentence with an accusation like, “you always…” try “The story I tell myself is…” This simple change in sentence structure “reduces mistrust and leads people to be more flexible,” Dr. Fader notes. He goes on to suggest that the responding party might then say, “I imagine you feel…” demonstrating that they’ve been absorbing what’s been said in an effort to understand the other’s perspective.
With the ground rules and framework for communication in place, those engaged in Imago therapy are then encouraged to explore their emotional triggers or “pain points,” and use the imago dialogue to communicate those pain points to their partners. When partners understand each other’s pain points, they can navigate challenging situations more effectively and break free from unproductive cycles of communication. Santi and Fader apply these techniques in working with business partners at any stage of their business, from startup to post-exit; to help them navigate conflicts relating to the transition of leadership and ownership, governance and decision-making, or to assess mutual fit in terms of objectives, values, expectations and long-term compatibility.
All of this might sound like a lot of work, and it is. Dr. Fader notes that relationships– business or otherwise– take time and commitment, but are foundational to every part of our lives. “Treat your relationships as the core of your business,” Dr. Fader advises. “The quality of your relationships will either create barriers to or supercharge your business.” By learning and embracing the principles of Imago Therapy, business partners can build a solid foundation for effective communication, ultimately leading to enhanced collaboration, increased productivity, and shared success in their ventures– personal and professional. “It’s about shifting your perspective,” says Dr. Fader. “We’re building strength in relationships rather than simply focusing on the negatives. These challenges are opportunities to bond us together.”
Quality relationships are foundational to the quality of your business and your quality of life. To seek support or learn more about how we work with people to improve and build meaningful relationships, visit our page on relationships and our page on performance coaching.